Tuesday, March 20, 2018

THROUGH THIS HEARTBREAKS, im ready!

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

Salam! Few days ago, I received my SPM result. I was actually so worried about it since the day after I got back from Madinah. I didnt manage to perform it well. At least I know that I did my best, I know I could do better if I changed a few things back then in 2016.  But Alhamdulillah for what I got. Although, my result........... CAN BARELY APPLY FOR THINGS I WANTED, I believe that there are so much more ways. Maybe a longer journey or higher fees?

Before I received the result, I know already know that I can't get the result I want. I ask for Allah to show the beauty of redha. I also watched some videos by Aida Azlin which most of them are so relatable! I'm still in the process of recovering and believing on my strength because I know Allah wouldn't give us a test that we can't bare kan? Honestly accepting it took me like 2 days, because on the result day I was so excited looking at people who work really hard to improve finally get an A for the subject. And the day when my parents told me that at least my brother did fight for it eventho the subject wasn't his passion. You know when your worked so hard, but the people you worked hard for couldn't see the effort? I wished they could see how I sacrifices my time. But then I know that, it's okay, this will passed.

It left a few weeks before I received the results, I hope that it really turned out well because I didn't want to use my parents money because I KNOW SPENDING IT ON ME IS SUCH A WASTE LOL.

Bye!

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

2018 February: Finished my high school!....and friends issues.

I survived! Not really that survive but survived la 5 years from selangor back to muar and back to Selangor again. I'm a lil bit depressed at the end of my senior year, that I regret I didn't use my time really well. Honestly I tried to catch up things that I've been missing, only God, my roomies, my close friends know how I'm struggling with my studies. I know I did pretty well during my lower form years but in my upper form years, I screwed up. Let's just hope things go well. I did my best, bismillah.

My senior year is,..........lets just not get into it (I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL) Remember when I said that I prefer to stay alone? I'm still at it btw. Since I had some trust and friendships issues, I watched a few motivational videos. Not really that motivation videos but random people talk about life issues and how they solved it and how to keep up with positive mind and healthy life, that I've been look up to. None of the videos relate my problems so I decided to conclude it myself. I used to have this one really close friend, at the age of 16 we fell apart maybe because she thinks I've changed, or I think that she a little bit too strict that she wont let me be friends with some new friends. She wished me on my 17th birthday, with the worst birthday wish ever ; "Happy birthday. I miss the old you"

I thought that it is the worst, but to think it all again, so do me. I miss the old version of myself too. I miss how happy and crybaby I was. I miss how I can talk with everyone without thinking that they might talk behind my back. Its not just me. I miss the old version of her too. The old us, laying on the same single bed deciding what to order for super late supper at weekends. Too bad, time flies, people changed.       at the end of the year, both of us are just fine. I may not be the one that she prefer to call and nag about how exciting and sad her lovelife had been. I'm super fine with that and happy that we're both fine with it.

Learned that, if you are unhappy with your friends that you think she's a toxic to you, you will always have choices. 1. Left them or 2. Try to fix them. I've tried both. Option number one, its up to them, to accept that you left them /or/ they try to fix it (depend on how good this person is) /or/ they couldnt accept the fact (this lead to fights! i love fights! lol)

Option number two, it may worked out or it may not. Tried my best, but it didnt worked really well yea yknow family problems, lovelife and some serious insecurities probs. I thought I would just give up on them, but I found out that accepting them for how they are is the only way. Because, after all they're still your friends. Tak kisah la berapa lama tak duduk borak pun, tak kisah walaupun jumpa berselisih je.

I went to Umrah! I wanted to post them here via phones but duhh Blogger didnt update their software since Apple sibuk update software. So........ gotta wait or I'll never post via phones again. Umrah was great but still trying to maintain a good relationship with Allah and hoping that my relationships with everything will also turn out well, inshaallah! Amin

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Staying alone, at my best


I think i'm used to be alone. Not a loner but in a way, that having less friends and didnt like to be together with someone everyday. I have friends, a really good bunch of girlfriends. I love them, and i couldnt ask for more.

Being alone, make sure that no one can break my trust. I have this one point in life, which was last year, i decided to not being alone again. Which i allow few people into my life. Till this day, none of them stayed. 

The worst part, they broke the trust. And one thing learned, the trust can be never rebuild even if we love the person. Most of people I met, think that i have a happy life. I can see that, the outside of me shows that my life is almost at it best. 

But on the inside, i cant feel it. I cant feel that im happy. I cant see the faces, that i need, the people who i thought that would stay with me through this year. Its not i dont apreciate people who stayed, but its just sad to see people you wanted, unwanted you.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

December it is?


Loooooong time no write! So far, it has been a good year. 2015 had been a very great one, 2016 is not that though 🤗

Losing few friends last year, but this year I found few new friends that really worth keeping for hee. Never thought that I'll love them this much 😘

What happenned in June and July, all the conflicts and all the fights i did with Dani... lol, the lessons learned! The boy? We are back like usual but this feels towards him, fades sometimes 😔 If we never meant to be, then its okay. I put my trust on Allah.


We, the sidang team also had a catfight with the f5s but its okay, we arethe next f5 😜 whats good is, we finished the works!!! So glad. I love this people!!!!


Wednesday, July 13, 2016

June and July


June had been disaster. Ramadhan had been just fine but it takes time for me to get used with new classmates. Learning had been great. I understand most of the addmaths formula but its a bit difficult on chemistry. 

I applied for BWP. And I won the campaign. Thats creepy enough. Sometimes i just thought that i shouldnt apply any of this bkm but sometimes i just think that, if its not me, who else should be?

So i'm now the Bendahari. I applied for setiausaha but i...... omg why. Whatever just go with the flow.

            Oh, selamat hari raya!!!! 😙
July had been great so far. The only thing i was worried about was when i got back to school, what would everyone think of me and what would happen to my studies how would my friends would treat me are they going to treat me the same way omg this is worrying me so much.

What happenned on July? 

I officially got in bwp, got to work woth great people, got to see my sidang team take photos again, the friends i got fight 5 weeks ago yea we got back together but not as closed as we used to bcs i dont want to and the person i used chat but then i stopped because of some probs, niw we're back together as we used to but i wont believe him too much

Sorry for writing like this i just write what comes to mind 😋
Im now spending my 3 weeks aka first 2 weeks as bwp at Australia. They must be real mad. Im sorry but what else can i do? ☹️


All photos are taken by iPhone 5s and 6.